YAY GOD!

I'm just having one of those days. Listened to some great stuff, prayed, read some great stuff, prayed, continually asking ok God what next throughout the day, and just feel...useful.

It's a good feeling when you just move through the day, doing one thing after another and you realize you've been useful and provided for the whole day without thinking about it.


Yesterday I watched a documentary on Istanbul (constantinople) - I don't know if ya'll have these things happen, but now I have this song...




stuck in my head.


Bet it'll stay stuck in some of your heads too now :)

Victimhood vs. Powerhouse

I was contemplating today:

Victim: A living being sacrificed to a deity or in the performance of a religious rite. One that is acted on and usually adversely affected by a force or agent. One that is injured, destroyed or sacrificed under any of various conditions.


Martyr: A person who voluntarily suffers death as a penalty of witnessing and refusing to renounce a religion. A person who sacrifices something of great value and especially life for the sake of a principle.

What's the principle you're living or dying for today? If you are angry, upset, unhappy or depressed in thought or service to that principle, well, you might want to accept a new perspective from someone who has surpassed that idea with a new one that brings joy, happiness and serenity.

If, like me, there are still some buts left... some inkling that the world isn't quite what it should be because ...

Well I need to realize a Bigger God, the one who is All Powerful, All Knowing and ALL LOVING.

Taking a few more directions from those whose God is bigger than the one I have in mind in my buts and becauses before I'm dead will help.

I cannot control the world, but I can effectively live in it when I'm willing to humble myself to admit I got it wrong and accept new direction from someone who seems to have a better expeirence.

A Friend in need of Prayer

I was given news that a fellow was diagnosed with a brain tumor.

My first thought, "brain tumor is NOT good." But I know how much good can come surpassing the "not good in my estimation." I estimate very small, and God is very big.

This man is a great guy who reflected a dedication to the Alanon purpose in the wee sma beginnings of my recovery. I will always be grateful for how honestly and openly he shared his feelings, life and findings through the programs.

I pray for him and his whole family, for God to envelope them and keep them all in the palm of His hand as they walk through this together.

Sometimes God has a plan I don't understand or agree with as His greater purpose is worked out. I find how wrong and small my ideas are all the time.

God, please keep me on the straight and narrow path of your Greater Purpose of loving grace today.

I don't know how many of you know Sandy B. from Tampa FL

His daughter Barbara was murdered on March 3, and he is in a difficult recovery from hip surgery. Please pray for Sandy, and his family as they work through this loss.

I have a bit of information and an address where you can send cards or notes of encouragement and love. Just let me know you want it with an e-mail address to send it to I'll be glad to share the information that Dick sent out.

Ch ch changes...

Good discussion yesterday.

Representing an institution as a whole. Group conscience and the traditions.

I might be wrong.

I'm looking back at the posts of the last two years and realizing, I have placed myself in a position of representing an institution, whether this is just in my experience or as a whole is what I have to examine very closely. Whether its right or wrong for anyone else isn't the point, I have to examine my own actions and with some help, make a decision. Because I'm bothered right now and so I have a choice to make. In any case I have to begin the process of the amend. Isn't it interesting that any time I am bothered this direction suggests I must amend, I must or I'm dead.

And isn't it interesting how many places I can see that this is the natural and right thing to do now... Even shakespeare seemed to get it...

"And, as I am an honest Puck, If we have unearned luck, now to 'scape the serpent's tongue, we will make amends ere long; else the Puck a liar call; so, good night unto you all. Give me your hands, if we be friends, And Robin shall restore amends."

Unearned luck...Grace, if I understand the principle and concept of honesty (truth) and no longer am truly diseased rather just living in amend to the disease, if I know that true nature of the disease, I will make amends and ask to be pardoned. Friends and God DO when sought. If I don't make the true amend, if I don't understand the true principle, I'm dead anyway.

WOW, two years worth of almost daily posts to examine.

I might be a while getting back to ya'll. I'll be back changed by the experience never the less.

Meetings and Service

I have an area meeting tomorrow, it will be my first. The topic will include the principles of anonymity and the internet.

WHEW, big topic considering.

I'm grateful today to have a great group of friends
I'm grateful for this community
I'm grateful for a fellowship that cares about their collective principles
I'm grateful for the opportunity to grow and experience new things
I'm grateful for Love and Life
I'm grateful for friends and fellowships
I'm grateful to God for every breath and every miracle (both too many to count daily)

Today is a wonderful day!

When you're focus is off...

I had a grumpy day yesterday. My focus was off (can I blame it on forgetting my glasses at home yesterday morning? No, I didn't think so)

I attended a Board meeting that I was asked to take notes/minutes for, the meeting was difficult for a few reasons but overall was ok. New rules govern us, reconstructed governing body, some power struggles between the two entities entrusted to keep me workin and pay my salary, it's a little uncomfortable to be a pawn in a power struggle, but ... If I'm living in the right understanding of how this all works, they aren't my true bosses, they're just supervising my progress with my True Boss, they're reflections of how I'm doing. They get to provide a place, instruction and service projects for me daily. Work for me to do in order to practice my employment skills. I like that feeling, it takes the fear out of me.

Admission: I was scared because I was asked to take minutes, I've not done this before and feel like I'm going to do it wrong and screw up everything. I brought along a voice recorder, which helped to keep me focused and it wasn't so bad. One of the things I'm learning in the practice of this is that I have the opportunity to take the emotion and personality out of the process and record the information. (Is that principles before personality at work?)

Then I went to a meeting last night, a meeting that is historically a wonderful experience for me. I sat next to 2 women who were gabbing and giggling like sixth graders (disruptive) through the meeting, one tried to invite me to participate, I declined saying, "I'm really trying to focus on the meeting." And then she turned one more time in the middle of someone's share to ask me about another meeting time. I responded that I would be happy to chat with her about other meetings (pause) after this one is over. SIGH, sometimes I feel like the un-cool kid again when I do that, like .... oh they're not gonna like me if I don't participate in the shenanigans. That thinking was what kept me on the 18 year plan to get a 4 year college degree. That thinking is what started me on a prodigious disease bender that lasted ... well a really long time...

I called and chatted with a good friend about the day yesterday and ... felt better. We talked about fears, about constructive behaviors and about miracles too. I slept like a rock.

My focus moved from me to others and suddenly the focus being off brought on a whole new great experience. The day WAS good in final reflection.

Then this morning a girl contacted me to accept the suggestion to change her ideas of what meetings were working for her, she admitted her ideas aren't working... that's a great feeling, the feeling that someone is seeking new experiences... in recovery. Somehow I get more excited about it someone who has been hopeless for a while and so depressed and lonely decides they don't want that anymore. It's like you can see layers peeling off, see them realize they want something new in this recovery walk.

I know from personal experience how hard it is in those moments between realizing my ideas didn't and aren't working and the renewed sense of peace and energy when I'm actually moving in the new idea. It's humbling and sometimes it takes some practice to feel the serenity kick in. It's totally worth it for me now, because I know what it feels like and that's the beam I want to be on.

I'm just glad when I ask God to remove my defects he continues to give me the willingness to take suggestions and direction from those who have come to help me.

YAY GOD! Always putting the perfect solutions in my path and always granting me the willingness and strength to make necessary changes and improvements.

You ever stop to consider how many of the songs in our experience are TOTALLY God inspired? This one was one that came to mind today... God seems to be singing all the time!